my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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