With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
porn star boner night. come get it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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