i would one night stand the shit outta him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
