Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Oh god it's open bar.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
