ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
