So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
