..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
