That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
