well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
