It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
