He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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