if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm bleeding and have questions
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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