Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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