Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
