Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
