I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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