My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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