I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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