you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
