STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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