Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When are your genitals available?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
