Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
