I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
