She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
