Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
