So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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