Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
