I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
