My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
