If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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