If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
