my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
