i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Did I show you my penis last night?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
