"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
