Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
