We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
