I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
