i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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