She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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