you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
