i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
