it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
