Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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