Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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