i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
jump out the window naked night went bad
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
