She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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