This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
