Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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