Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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