HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
