I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
